Looking Back on My Bucket List at Age 21

Cross posted from my Multiply site... Long before I became active as a blogger, I already made my own bucket list. Here's a look back at my bucket list when I was 21 years old... I wrote this last June 17, 2008

This is just a short compilation of the things I want to try.  I put 30 years old as my deadline since most of the things listed here are physically challenging... Enjoy and set a date if you want to be my partner.  

1. Ice Skate- well they have it in MOA but I don't have a companion...  

2. Rock/Wall Climbing- I actually have gone wall climbing back in 2003... unfortunately I wasn't as adventurous as I am now so... well, I wouldn't tell you until what part of the wall I stopped climbing.  

3. Learn how to use the turntable- I have a cousin who is a DJ and have been in love with a DJ as well.   My cousin wanted me to learn how but since my dad never allowed me to go out, it was never raised again.

4. Paint- I have a few sketches and a few paintings... but I really want to be able to express what I feel through art.

5. Origami- well it's a fun art... would like to have fun with it.

6. Road Trip- you know the song "magdadrive ako hanggang baguio... magdadrive ako hanggang sa buwan! gusto kong matutong magdrive...." that'll be the soundtrack of my road trip.

7. Read Road Maps and Hidden Treasure Maps- I'm terrible at reading road maps! I'd like to be able to see a map for treasure hunting. That'll be cool.

8. Be a scientist- there'll be a lot of things I would invent... unfortunately I'm not that smart. but this is just too good to miss out on..  

9. Geographer- true true... when I was young, my dream was to be either a geographer or an astronaut... I still dream about being the latter... 

10.  Astronomer- I love our galaxy.  I wish everyone would take care of gaia so that we could have cleaner air.

11. Inventor- just like the scientist dream.

12. Sew- I do know how to sew... it's just that I'm too tired to finish one.  

13. Sing- sometimes I have a nice voice, most times I don't.

14. Dance- I'm not talking about waltz/ballroom dancing... I'm talking bout dancing on

stage with a group... I kinda miss that..

15. Architect- back in high school, when I wasn't listening to the teacher, I used to draw my plans for a bar.... I wonder where that sketch is now...   

16. Fashion/ Interior/ Graphic designer- I just love art and colors... too bad I don't know how to incorporate them with shapes.

17.  Editor of a fashion magazine- something I really really want to be.....

18. Surf- or have my picture taken holding a board.

19. Skimboard- I'd rather surf though....

20. Jetski- again, I have done this when I was young yet I wasn't as adventurous... I screamed the whole 5 minutes I was on it!!!!

21. Dive- I'd love to take pictures underneath the ocean....

22. Play with dolphins- I was planning to do this in Subic.... but they costed a

fortune... next time I'm in Subic, I won't miss the chance again!

23. Model- hahahah! with my height, I wish.

24. Ramp- yeah, I wish.

25. Play with Puppies- it's been a long time since I was given the chance to play with puppies....

26. Gymnast- ummm... I think this should be checked out....

27. Be a researcher- I love to learn... to find out new things....

28.  Newscaster- my mom didn't want me to be one....

29.  TV host- okay... I was actually invited by ETC channel to audition for their new show but I didn't go to the audition since they were in Antipolo.. nobody in our family knew how to get to antipolo... I could have been the one co-hosting Chillspot not Karen Pamintuan....

30.  Be surrounded by really cute and hot guys- this should be good.  

31.  Be a chef- I still want to....

32. Shop til I drop- when I have money... lots of money.

33. Travel to another country by myself- I'm going to Singapore by the end of this month.. but not yet on my own... well it will be our first time outside and by ourselves (me and my sis)....

Every one should have a list too... it should be nice having something to look at remind you why you were born to live... or just something that will inspire you to save money... so go ahead and make your list... start now. share it with me. I'd love to read your list.  

It's funny... reading this list, I realized how crazy I was back then. I still have the same interests and hopes but I have become a lot wiser now. Out of 33, I think I've only done 5. I'm coming out with a new bucket list and sticking to it now that I've got a blog :) 

Greetings from My Home Office

Lately, I haven't been out of my condo. The only time I do is to get grocery and the food I had delivered. So I don't really have anything new to blog about.

For the moment, here's a view of my current home office. I know it's a mess but I like my things where they are--where I know where they'll be if I'm looking for them. This may be clutter for some people but this is what I call organized clutter.

Like I always say, to each his own.

Greetings from my home office!

Nightly Anxieties

Day 130

My day started out of nothing but a regular routine. As practiced numerous times, I rolled over to one side of the bed to switch on my computer. I checked my phone for any messages: NONE. The clock read 9 am. I know, a bit late for some people but for me, it just means that I was able to get enough sleep. After all, I slept around 2am last night after working on a website. (Will post it when it's been launched already).

I head over to my laptop and start checking emails and Facebook notifications-- this marks the start of my day. This is how I have been functioning for the past 2 years: a workaholic. Even when I'm on vacation, I still bring my laptop with me and continue to work. I never let anything get in the way.

The only thing that's bothering me right now are the nightly tremors that I encounter. I find it weird. Every night before I sleep, it's always the same thing. 'What if I lose my clients tomorrow?' 'What if I lose my memory?' 'Where will I be in a few years?' 'Will I ever be in a serious relationship again?' Throughout the day, these never seem to bother me. But just before I close my eyes at night, these are the things that worry me the most.

I close my eyes to sleep. Then when I wake up in the morning, I start new and continue with my regular routine.

Reinventing My Blog-- A Freelancer's Journey

I'm nearing my second year as a freelance writer and in line with this, I decided to give my blog a new approach. Instead of blogging about random things, I decided to reinvent my blog and talk about the many different things I do as a freelancer. Since I'm always asked how I am able to handle my daily activities, I decided to share this on my blog. At the same time, this is a great way I can monitor my work and be able to improve my work behavior. So my blog is no longer limited to just featuring food and restaurants. I now talk about many other things that I encounter everyday.

I hope you guys enjoy reading about my adventures as a freelancer! I hope with this blog, I get to inspire other freelancers. My second year as a freelancer, I need to do it right this time. :)

Why I Don't Plan on Watching Harry Potter 7

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix- Part 2

As everyone else is getting excited to watch the final Harry Potter movie, I find myself retreating to a corner--nonchalant to the fuss everyone is making. It's not that I don't want to watch it or the first part of HP7. It's really just that I don't want to put an end to the movie. I know I've read the books and have been finished with them a long time ago, but I just can't gather the nerve to say goodbye to a movie franchise I've continued to watch with my friends.

L-R: Kristia, Snap, Cristel, Mimi, Trixie, Andrew

L-R: (Angel in the background), Mimi, Trixie, Tricia) 

In fact, I can't believe it's been 10 years! I can still remember the very first book was what brought me and my friends together. I know there were other things-- WWF, Incubus, Love Stories books, and our indifferences; that attributed to the start of a decade's worth of friendship. But it has always been Harry Potter, his friends and enemies, yes even Voldemort, that stood by us throughout these years.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

I can still remember the first time I heard of Harry Potter. Mimi or Cristel (I can't remember) came up to me one day and asked if I had already read Harry Potter. I said no and stated my reason: I never had the chance to buy a book. But before that, I had already seen the book in a few bookstores (both in Bacolod and in Cebu). All the while, I thought Harry Potter was the name of the author and The Sorcerer's Stone was the title of his book. Boy, did I give Mimi and Cristel a laugh!

L-R: Trixie, Tricia, Riza, Mimi, Carissa, and Danika

L-R: Sam, Jomelle, Riza, Mimi, Trixie, Cristel, Paula, Maffy, Tricia

That was the start of it. Mimi let me borrow her books. Every time a new book came out, she would always be the first to have a copy and we would all take turns borrowing it-- patiently waiting until the other had already finished it. Fortunately, we were all book lovers and we could easily finish a book; so the waiting really didn't take long. We also had our own favorite love teams to support: Harry & Hermione, Ron & Hermione, Harry & Ginny, and yes, Harry & Ron. I remember reading fanfics of HP back then and always favoring those that supported Harry & Hermione's love affair. So I was really disappointed when Harry & Ginny were paired.

When the first movie came out, we watched it together at Robinsons' Bacolod. By then, that was the only decent mall we had. It was also the only mall where we could all hang out during Saturday afternoons, play billiard and Dance Revolution. Even though we were all separated in College, we made a point to try to watch the new movie together. If not, at least talk about it-- inform each other that the new movie is out.

L-R: Carissa, Cristel, Trixie

Top L-R: Trixie, Mimi, Carissa, Riza, Andie, Cristel

Top L-R: Carissa, Riza, Mimi, Cristel, Andie, Trixie

L-R: Trixie, Angel, Chris, Carissa, Sam

Last year, I said that I won't watch Part 1 because I can easily forget what happened and will only end up spending money buying a DVD to give myself a review of the movie. But as the days and months went on, I became more and more busy. I forgot about buying a DVD. Now that the second part is here, I still haven't watched Part 1.

So yes, I don't think I'll ever muster the strength to watch HP7 Part 1 and Part 2. I think all the while, I was lying to myself because I could not believe it was the end. We grew up watching these movies and they've always been part of our childhood. Now that this is the last movie, I feel like I'm saying goodbye to my childhood and affirming the fact that I am now an adult. I think this is what many HP fans are also feeling now- a melancholic state of a decade past.

Bottom L-R: Cristel, Trixie, Carissa, Andie, Riza, Tricia, Angel

L-R: Carissa, Trixie, Mimi, Andie, Cristel, Riza, Angel, Sam, Tricia
(almost complete: without Chris) 

L-R: Cristel, Riza, Andie, Mimi, Sam, Carissa, Tricia, Chris, Angel
(without me) 

It has been, indeed, a hell of a ride. And amidst our quarrels and misunderstandings, we've stayed friends all these years. With all our busy schedules, I miss my friends and just being able to hangout on Saturdays with them. :(

Footnote: I don't plan on watching HP 7 without you guys... Let's have DVD marathon this Christmas? :) 

A Heartfelt Thank You on My 25th

Today's my birthday. 

But that does not mean I am happy about it. If anything, it just made me sadder. So for everyone who sent me a text or posted on my wall, I'm sorry for not replying and thanking you guys. The simple reason for this is I didn't feel like saying 'thank you' to everyone who greeted me a "happy" birthday because I know it's not a happy one.  

Originally, I intended to celebrate my 25th with some close friends on July 2. I already made an awesome event photo and even an event page on Facebook. But when I got word of the developments of my dad's health, I decided to skip the party and just have dinner with my family. 

So that's what I did-- the whole day I was with my dad and my sister. We went to Philippine Heart Center to have him checked by Dr. Renato Villanueva. After that, we were advised to go to another hospital in QC to get consultation from Dra. Arellano. The tests aren't finished and they're still going back tomorrow for a few more tests before a final decision is made. Bottom line: my dad might need an operation for his heart. 

A few weeks ago, my dad came home from Cebu. We were supposed to go to Seoul, a Korean restaurant that he loves to eat in. But because he wasn't feeling well and was restless about it, we headed straight to the emergency room of MCM as soon as his plane arrived. 

We were there for a good 4-5 hours. We had to fight our hunger until we could get the diagnosis of what happened. It was suspected that my dad encountered: a) Pneumonia b) COPD c) or a mild stroke. We were all cool about everything, including my dad, because we were trying to hide our worry. By the end of the night, COPD was the most probable culprit. He was still required to go through several tests. 

Weeks later, we continued our normal lives and routines. My dad went through with his physical exams and tests--that's when his specialists started to worry the previous emergency was already a mild stroke. 

When I found out about this, I wept. I cried like never before. Alone in my condo, I cried and could not sleep. I kept thinking to myself 'this cannot happen to me again.' I did not want to lose another parent. I kept waking up in the middle of the night and told myself I should write more articles, find more projects so I could help in anyway possible. I know my dad is strapped for cash right now and I am no better. But if I just do more articles and save more money, I know I'll be able to produce some money that will help for his condition. 

I have to stop being selfish and thinking of myself. I have to do more work so I'll be able to get more money. So to my friends, I'm sorry but you won't be seeing me around anytime soon. If you need me, I'll just be in my condo-- locked up and trying to do more work. 

Thank you to all the birthday greetings. Compared to last year, I only received a few. But even if I'm not feeling up to celebrating my birthday or I'm not happy about what's going on, I want to say thank you to everyone who thought of me. I can count a number of greeters who have truly made me smile. I can also count the people who have made my heart melt and put a tear on my eyes.

I especially want to thank:

Ms. Mayenne Carmona (a dear friend who's like a mother to me!)

Kuya Nikki, Nang Aloha, Nathan & Kuya Richie (for not forgetting)

Lolo & Lola (for the support)

Miggs Torralba (thank you for your message Miggs!)

Bubot Torralba-Lao & Ronnie Lao (for welcoming me and for the cake-- which by the way, is the BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE EVER)

My only birthday gift-- Ms. Polly's Chocolate Cake
the best chocolate cake EVER

Sheila, James and Shaina (for the best birthday greeting EVER!)

and to my dad, whom I would like to dedicate all the birthday wishes I received today-- success, happiness, and GOOD HEALTH.

My dad's birthday greeting that I woke up to

Thank you everyone!

Dreaming White, Alpine White

What's your favorite chocolate bar?

If there's one favorite memory I have of my mom, it's when she would bring home boxes full of different kinds of imported chocolates. She would buy them from her supplier and resell them at a cheaper price. I remember going through her stash and picking out my favorite chocolate bars every time a new box would arrive. Among the chocolate bars that I would get included Maltesers', Alpine White, and Violet Crumble. That was around 1994.

Violet Crumble

Out of the 3 of them, only 1 is available in the market today-- Maltesers'. I have been on a long quest to taste my favorite chocolates-- Alpine White and Violet Crumble. Ever since those days, I have never been able to taste my 2 favorite chocolate bars ever again. I've even asked some of my friends from the US to ship me some Alpine White chocolate. Unfortunately, they couldn't find it there either.

This blog post does not have any good news to people who are just like me. Sadly, our quest for Alpine White will forever be a battle that we cannot win. As long as Nestle keeps stopping the production of this chocolate bar, we'll all have to settle with Hershey's Cookies and Cream chocolate. I don't have anything against it, but certainly-- it's no Alpine White.

The top contender that can make up for my craving for this orgasmic chocolate bar-- Milka.

Milka White Chocolate

Like you guys, all I have left is a memory of Alpine White, its aroma, and this commercial I found. A footnote: did you know there are no pictures of Alpine White (the chocolate bar) available online?

Sweet dreams you can't resist

N-E-S-T-L-E-S

A dream as sweet as this

N-E-S-T-L-E-S

Dreaming white, Alpine White

Nestle makes the very best

N-E-S-T-L-E-S

Sweet dreams... you can't resist....

Sigh.

P.S. Did you know there's a Facebook page to Bring Back Nestle Alpine White Bars? Who knows, maybe Nestle will listen to us this time.

Decisions Decisions

Before anything else, I would like to say thank you to the people who told me not to give up. I am really grateful that I have friends and family members that are supportive of what I do. For this, a BIG THANK YOU!

Changes in my Blog
Well, like I said, I removed my Site Visit Counter widget and have no longer used Plurk as intensely as before. I have decided to keep my blog but write for myself. I do no longer want to write while thinking how other people will accept my entries.

I know there will always be some haters out there and insecure people who will try to bring me down. Sorry guys. Better luck next time, okay?

I am planning to revamp my blog. I am still deciding on it, still looking for a good look for my blog. But for now, enjoy this video. I really love this band and they are one of the very few whose concert I attended (in Bacolod). It was more of a gig than a concert, really but well.. that's that. I watched it with an ex.



I wonder where they are now....

If you're out there reading my blog, please uplift me

For the past few days, I have been struggling with depression. I don't know what it is yet. It might just be hormones or it could be clinical depression. I might also be bipolar. I don't know. I have to get it checked with a professional. (Can anyone refer me to a good one that's not too expensive?)

Over the weekend, I spent time with my family in Paranaque. One reason why I am getting depressed is because I am alone in my condo now. Although I can be perceived as an independent person, the reality that I go to sleep at night on my own is too overwhelming for me. Sad to say, the days when I used to think about what would happen to me if I die are back. The last time I experienced this was in November 2009, yes, to all who know me can agree that THAT was the saddest time of my post college life. Since then, I have been occupying my time with work and blogging on the side. Even though it has been a good 2 years for me, I am going through the same shit that made me quit Culinary school. While I succumbed to it in the past, I do not want it to get through to me now because I plan to make this job as my career.

I admit, I have been working slowly these past few days. I have not been able to meet my daily quota and I continue to seek different opportunities in websites such as Jobstreet, JobsDB, Freelancer and Elance. While I see some that are related to my field, I hope to get something from PR so I could get involved with people once again. I don't want to be alone all the time and this is what scares me. Yes, I do have some experience in PR and believe it or not, I love organizing events. If given the opportunity, I would jump at the next chance I could to organize an event.

Anyway, back to my condition. I have realized that because I have been closely monitoring my blog's viewers ever since I started blogging regularly, I have been getting more and more depressed. Thanks to my viewers, my blog has been viewed more than 1,000 times in just a week's time. Even though that's a huge improvement for my blog, I can't believe I have not received  A SINGLE COMMENT AT ALL. It is so depressing for me because I keep trying to improve my blog and hope that people will accept it. That one day, I will be a recognized blogger like most of my blogger friends.

Today, I have announced that my Plurk account will no longer be updated. If it weren't for work and family, I would erase my blog and Facebook account. If people don't want to comment on my posts or even send me their cellphone number (my iPhone's contacts got deleted last Saturday so I posted on Facebook for people to send me their number.. I can't believe I did not get a single text or message at all-- even from my closest friends). So yes, it makes me feel lame. Yes, it makes me feel that no one cares. No one needs me. Thankyouverymuch.

So while I sort things out with whatever it is I'm going through right now, my blog is on indefinite hold. I may or may not return to it or to Imeldanisms. I am not blaming anyone but myself. I expect too much from myself.

So you... If you have been reading my blog posts and would not want to see me go, I wish you would comment and give me some words of wisdom or advice. You can even give me the number of a good psychiatrist in the city. I would really appreciate it. Anything, just to let me know that humans are actually reading my blog and that the numbers on my blog aren't wrong.

If not, I guess this is my last post. It's really too bad 'cause I have collected quite a number of posts ready to be posted throughout June. Until then, is it adieu?

To My Mom on Mother's Day 2011

To My Dearest Mommy,

Tomorrow is another Mother's Day event without you. This year, it's gotten more difficult to get by with all my Facebook friends changing their profile pictures to a photo of their mom. This deeply saddens me because I just realized that this is the only photo I have of us. And sadly, it is the last photo we had together.

Mommy, I miss you more than ever now. During the day when everyone else is celebrating a pamper day with their mom, I keep wondering what will happen if you were with me right now. I keep on thinking how I would spend my Mother's Day with you-- I'd treat you to your favorite restaurant, buy you a dozen red roses, and even go to a spa and a parlor together! I'd gladly spend a week's earnings on you on this special day because you are worth it! Even if that would mean slaving for an extra week, I don't care because I want you to know how special you are to me. If only you were still around, I'd show you how much you mean to me.

It's weird, I know I've made it a point to write letters to you every year during Mother's day. Yet all I could find is an old post that I made in Multiply about not having an opportunity to thoroughly get to know you. This is really one of the things I regret because were taken from me while I was still so very young--I did not even have an opportunity to know who you are and talk about how you met Daddy. If I had the chance, I would listen attentively to you all day long talking about everything under the sun. I would love another opportunity Mommy. I would die for that chance to spend another day with you.

Today, we had a photo shoot that I facilitated. I got to showcase my true potential as a leader and I know you would have been proud of me. We shot 5 different moms from all walks of life and in the midst of all the chaos, I would hide a teardrop from people because I did not want to let them see I was thinking of you. I envied them-- they were young, healthy and full of life. I wished you were like them so we could have spend the rest of our lives together. I wonder what and who I would have turned into if that were the case.

Mommy, I've made it my annual promise to write to you during Mother's Day 2-3 years ago. So even if I can no longer find the blog posts that I've had in the past, I'd like to think that you already got them and that you were keeping them for yourself. I do this whenever I miss you most-- I think that you are just spending a long vacation in Austria (one of the places you've always wanted to visit). I like to think that you are just there and enjoying your time. Wherever you are, I still miss you terribly.

Mommy, I am thankful though that this past year has led me to wonderful blessings. I have met wonderful people who I want you to know of. There's even one of them that makes me feel so comfortable when I'm with her, almost like how I felt when we were together. The funny part is, she also lost a son-- her one and only son. So I'd like to think we're feeling off of each other's loss and that somehow, you are taking care of her boy.

I know that there are a lot of people out there who are annoyed with their moms and feel that they are being nagged. For once, I would love to feel that way too. There are several people I know who don't appreciate the time and effort their parents spend with them. I can only wish they knew how it feels to lose someone they've taken for granted. If they did, they will never hurt their parents. Sometimes I wish I had their mom instead of them because they didn't know how to appreciate her. But I know, you're the only person who's fit to be my mom. I miss you and I love you.

Your Penpal,

Dear Makati, My City

Dear Makati, My City

by: Trixie F. Torralba

I hear you now at the break of dawn

Waking me up from a good night's yawn

Inviting me to your sweet, sweet solace

While the rest still slumbers with a quiet embrace

The break of dawn kisses my cheek

Plans for today, I still have to seek

Calling me now, to this day I must wake

Each footstep brings, a step closer to take

With billowing shadows of skyscrapers' tease

Hunching over, watching as they please

This, but a routine, a daily partake

I must cherish each moment, each word that I seek

Oh Makati, my dear dear city

'Tis but a clear and cold morning breeze

I savor each footstep I take in your CBD

It is but a good feel that you bring to me!

Alas, the morning starts hustling

And the people are coming

Dressed in black, brown, corporate and chic

This ends my day, my morning's retreat

4 Tips for Living On Your Own-- Keeping House

So it's been a month since I decided to move out and be independent. The whole month has been a roller coaster ride--sometimes sad, at times fun, but mostly super busy. I have been filling my free time every chance I get so I don't end up having a sad time thinking that I'm really alone. Aside from work, I occupy my time with school (which I decided to take a break from), exercising, work and more work. The free time I have I usually spend with my friends or family. When I don't feel like it, I would spend time on my own instead.

Lately, one of the things that has helped me deal with the stress is doing household chores-- cooking, cleaning, and buying groceries. With this, I've decided to share some of the few things that I've learned on my own:

1. Don't store garlic and onion in one container.
They grow and cultivate and this reminds me of our science experiments back in grade school.

2. When washing dishes, JOY Ultra Hand Care with Vitamin E will be your best friend!
I really like using it  because it does not roughen my hands after washing dishes. It feels like you just put on lotion after you washed your dishes.

This will always be part of my grocery list!

3. Mr. Muscle is wonderful!
I first learned about how good Mr. Muscle is through a friend. She swore that it would be able to remove stains and promised it will work great. So I decided to try it on a shoe stain on my tiled floors. I just sprayed it on the the stain and wiped it with tissue paper. TA-DA! The stain was gone!

Mr. Muscle, you are now the only man allowed to enter my home!

4. When buying groceries, stick to your list!
Remember the tip that people have left for those who want to go grocery shopping? Never buy grocery when you're hungry and always stick to your list. Well, those two tips are true. Unless, you want to end up spending P2,000 minimum every week!

So far, those are some of the things I've learned living alone. :) Will keep adding more as soon as there's new learning involved. :)

Out With the Old, In With the New

Life has been such a huge change for me. That's why I have not been blogging as much as I promised to. It is exactly a month since I have moved out of our home in Paranaque and moved to a condo unit I rented out in Makati. Life has been good the past month. I have been busy, rewarded, and continuously challenged. Regardless, the past month has just given me a look at how my life will be like for the next few months.

Although I've been loving my first month of being independent, it has also been making me feel sick. Lately, my health issues have started again and everyone around me says it's because I am overworking myself. Aside from being the ONLY writer for a certain SEO company, I have also been engaging myself in iOS Development classes (1.5 hours every Tues and Thurs), the blog manager for someone influential, General Manager for a Thailand based magazine, and the EIC for an upcoming yuppie magazine, EPIC. Just recently though, a guy friend invited me to join him in his diving adventures and sweet talked me into the underwater world. So yes, I decided to join. I will be starting scuba diving classes on Thursday.

With all the things I'm doing, it's still not giving me time to rest and earn extra money. Right now, all my earnings have been designated to cover fees, bills and whatnots. So I'm really working hard to make sure I meet the minimum requirement I need to earn every week.

Unfortunately, the past few days have been difficult for me. I have been waking up with cold shivers that I can no longer manage. Last Saturday, I had unbearable palpitations and could not even stand having the air from an electric fan. This got me thinking that I should take time to rest. Even though I am torn between what I should give up, I know that I have to give up something greater. For now, I am giving up iOS Development classes simply because it is putting too much stress on me right now. For one, I do not understand the language being used and it is putting a toll on what I know. Also, I do not own a Mac and it is so difficult to understand everything we are doing without a Mac. This is also pressuring me because I know I need to buy a Mac soon, but just like I said: I do not have the budget for it right now. To this, I decided I will take the second batch of iOS Development students so I can have enough time to buy a Mac.

This decision really saddens me because people might think I am giving up once again. But to be honest, I really am not. I am just taking a break because everything is too huge for me right now. I'm afraid if I don't, I will collapse and turn into a lazy turtle. That will be such a shame.

This is what happens if I burn out

Anyway, that's an update on my life right now. Sorry guys if I haven't had time to blog the past month but I hope after today, I can make time for it. Now that  we've got a new magazine, I'm hoping you guys will watch out for it and support it. :)

To this I leave with the saying:

"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

Why I'm So Excited That It's Finally March

It's March! A few days to go before my whole world will have a complete re-vamping. I am so excited for the exciting things that this month has to offer. It's like this has been the moment I have been waiting for. I'm finally going to be alone. :)

For the longest time, I have always wanted to live on my own. I was just never permitted and didn't have enough money to do it. But now that my sister is getting married on the 25th (yes, this month too), I am finally living my dream! I am so happy because now I can finally be independent. Since I've chosen to move to Makati, who else should I feel like but none other than Sarah Jessica Parker's character in the hit TV series Sex and the City! For one, she's a writer and she's living in the big city. Although my taste and knowledge in fashion is not as deep as hers, it's still a rough imitation of life. 

Umm... no... this is Carrie Bradshaw's bedroom

if only I had a Mac already... 

Aside from this, I am going back to school. Yes, school. But not culinary arts--this will forever be a part of me that I can never get back. I mean, I still like to cook and experiment on new dishes. But as far as the stress involved with professional cooking, I'll pass thankyouverymuch. 

I will be starting school next week. It's just a short course on iOS Programming (e.g. learning how to create iPhone apps). It will last for the next 6 months. 

Another change that is going on with my life right now is that I have started meeting new guys. For those who can remember, the last time I dated was in 2009 and that did not end well. So this time, I'm still on the stage where I meet new guys of different culture, family and lifestyle backgrounds. I guess it's safe to say that I'm not playing around. I am just meeting new people. Period.

Also, I was very shocked to hear that Anywhere Philippines chose me to be their February Blogger of the Month. In line with this, I get to join them on a trip to Baler. SO EXCITED FOR THIS! 

Plus, just last week the DLSU-Writers' Guild asked me to be their guest speaker for their event called Nomnomnom Food Blogging Talk together with a friend blogger, Smarla (Everyday Sweet Notes). The event went really well. 

image c/o Smarla (Everyday Sweet Notes)

With all these changes, the one that I'm most excited about is the big move. One thing I'm not too keen on is the fact that I'll no longer have free Wi-Fi at home. I do have a postpaid Smart Bro Plug It. But I'm worried about my iPhone and iTouch. I still want to be able to download new games and chat with new people on Skout. Plus I want to my laptop to be free of any USB connections and cables. 

So this got me thinking... that this is the best time for me to subscribe to a personal broadband connection. Since I'm already using Smart Bro Plug It and I am thoroughly pleased with the connection I have been receiving, I think I should subscribe with them too. 

I am not only assured of the speed of their internet connection, I just discovered that it's the best time to get  a Smart Bro broadband connection because they have an ongoing promo called Smart Bro's Broadbandest Blowout.

If I subscribe to the SMART BRO Unlimited Home Broadband Plan 999 or 1995, I can get several freebies such as:

• Free All-in-One HP Printer
• Free Call & Texts with SMART Gold Lite Plan 300 for 6 months subscription
• Free 1 Month Broadband Subscription

Since I'm sure of Smart Bro's consistency in surfing speed and stable signal, I will have no trouble submitting my work in time. I do have to think about it intently since this promo is only running from March 4-June 4, 2011.

Wish me luck guys! I'll be starting to haul my stuff to the new place tomorrow!

If you're interested in the SMART BRO Broadbandest Blowout promo, you can get more information by visiting your nearest SMART Wireless Center or any SMART BRO accredited agents. This promo is covered by the Per DTI-NCR Permit No. 1871, Series of 2011.

I Hate Copycats

There are just some questions that I am afraid of answering, not that I don't want to but simply because they make me question myself. I know everyone goes through these questions on a daily basis and I have even been asked these questions several times already. And for each and every time, I always give out a different answer. Not because I'm lying or I want to sound cool, but simply because my interests change a lot. One day, I may be interested in a genre of music, the next day I'm not. I have learned to accept that this is the way "I roll" and everyone should just accept it. It's also one of the reasons why I write/blog.

You see, my greatest fear is not heights nor death nor being alone. I'm most afraid of losing myself--my thoughts, memories, senses, and identity. It's a constant struggle that I fight with everyday, since I know some people who tend to absorb my personality and claim it their own. When this happens, I often question myself if I really liked that [e.g. music genre] because I chose it or because someone chose it. This is why I'm always happy when people identify me as the person who I want to be. I find it insightful when people will look to me and tell me: 'Yeah, that's your style,' simply because I often get mixed up.

Take for example, my taste in clothes.

Although there are times that I like to blend in with the crowd, there are days when I really want to express myself. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was laughing at my shoes because "they look weird." To my defense, another friend stood up to me and affirmed that it was indeed, 'my style.'

Brogues by Indigo

This is why I take refuge in blogging. Through my blog posts, I get to re-examine myself and confirm that I really like a particular item. Since I know someone who really annoys me so much by copying everything I like, I have to recollect myself because I do not know for sure if I am still being myself. This girl used to shop in Ukay-Ukay because she loved the feeling of scouring for unique finds. Up to this day, I still cannot stand the smell of these stores. I will not deny that I have been to and have purchased Ukay-Ukay clothes. But I think throughout my whole life, I've only been in these stores 2-3 times. It's not that I find them gross. It's just that the smell of the clothes annoy my nose and they give me an asthma attack. I can't even hurdle through a huge pile of clothes to find stuff that I like without holding my nose.

Anyway, back to this "person.."

When we moved to Manila 3-4 years ago, she started copying my things. Since we were almost the same size, it bothered me so much because she copies my clothes-- exactly the same style, color and brand. What's worse is that we lived in the same house for a while. So it was really annoying, finding out that she wore my pants.

Even when we separated, she still imitated the clothes I would wear. Well, not only me (my sister and in-law too). Even if they did not look good on her, she would force herself to look young and hip. This bothered me so much that it has reached a point where I now hate her so much. You just won't imagine the things she does and still manages to get away with them!

Well, that's a different story. All I'm saying now is that when I write/blog, I get to see who I am. This is something she never, ever can copy.

Goodbye August, Hello September!

It's the first day of September and for almost everyone in the Philippines, it's the start of the BER season. I know it's crazy but it's what people have been saying to me all throughout the day. While they're busy getting their friends to buy them something for the upcoming Christmas season, I'm headed to another career decision (still it has something to do with writing).

I am currently making decisions whether or not to keep this job, or to let go of the other one. I'm doing this so I could watch my health and be careful not to burn myself out too much. Aside from this, I am doing my very best to be beside my dad through this tough time. He lost a relative who was very close to him last Sunday and we are planning to go up to his hometown, Bayombong, on Friday to attend the burial. I feel sorry for my dad since he said that this will be the last time he visits his hometown since he felt so empty during his visit yesterday.

So finally, August is over and I hope I don't get anymore disappointing news. August was a hellhole for me, careerwise, as well. I lost a client who paid $5 for each article and had a hard time coping with that. Luckily, I was able to find new clients that will take care of me. I also changed my phone (E75) as I believe it brought bad luck to me for the past 8 months. I finally let go of it even though it was my dream phone for 8 months prior to the day I bought it. But oh well, change is good and I welcome it with open arms.

More changes to come. Something to do with my career, exercise goals, rest, and maybe a reunion with my classmates in College... I don't see any signs of my lovelife becoming active anytime soon though. ^,^

This Made Me Smile Today

Funny today while I was in Krispy Kreme, the woman in front of me was spending so much time paying for her order (a box of dozen donuts) while I had just 1 donut. Of course, I was patient and did not become mean. The thing that caught my attention was when she asked the cashier something. Here's their dialogue:

Customer: "Do you accept Senior Citizen discounts?"

Cashier: "Yes Ma'am."

Customer: "Yes! I get a discount!"


I had to hide my smile. It was the first time I heard someone very pleased to be a senior citizen cardholder. ^,^

Image borrowed from SanPablo-California.olx.com

Does It Still Count As Home?

I can't remember the last time I was in Bacolod for a long period of time. My visits this year only included days when I stayed in my hometown. It's not that I don't like it anymore. There's just something about Bacolod that doesn't feel like home anymore. Each time I visit, I feel like I am a stranger in my own city-- the place I have called home for the past 20 years of my existence. Even until today, I feel homesick and wish I could return to devour on all the things I have missed: Batchoy by Logro, Wimpy's Burger by Kuppa, Cream Puff by Calea, Blackout by Vienna Kaffehaus, The Gypsy Tea Room, Bob's, University Courtyard, Lopue's, and a lot more. These things are the only remnants I have left of Bacolod and when I do get to taste/visit them during my visits, they remind me that I am still home.

I am afraid though, that one day, everything will be new to me. Lopue's would undergo more renovation, The Gypsy Tea Room will move, Calea's cakes won't be taste the same. I am afraid that these too will vanish and become just a part of my past. These are the only things that make me look forward to my visits.

Even my friends have changed. Each time I go home, I have to set a schedule for them just so we could all meet. Although we keep constant communication through text and Facebook, there are times that when we are already beside each other, we cannot talk the same way we used to. They have new friends and lovers, new careers, children, husbands, wives, new homes, new surnames. Times have changed.

There are also some people that have impressed me. While I thought poorly of them back in college (either they were a dropout or a junkie), they have risen above everyone's expectations. I can name A LOT of these people but I do not wish to cause a ruckus. Through Facebook, I get to watch my previous acquaintances skills come to life, like I am part of his audience. I seldom forget that I have met them before and we have attended the same class in college.

Through all these changes, I still see strength and hope. I miss Bacolod and I hope my next trip home won't make me feel indifferent to the place I used to call home.

Here's a clip of Sugal. A 2010 Negros Summer Workshop film by Jan la Ó and Marianne Magalona, two true Bacolodnons. It also features other Bacolodnons such as Raffy Alonso, who is another acquaintance of mine.