For many, going to culinary school is something that can be considered as recognition; an achievement, or even something to be proud of. This entitles them to bragging rights when they are in a restaurant and to act as the guru for small kitchen mishaps. It also gives them the unparalleled ability to savor dishes and identify the flavors that are present. In doing so, they can copy the recipe of the item they have ordered and even alter it so that it tastes much better. But all these, do not apply to me. This is the true story of a culinary school dropout.
Back when I was in college, I took a course which had something to do with cooking. Aside from writing, marketing, and acting, cooking was a skill I had always wanted to acquire. But since I was given the privilege of having someone to cook my meals three times a day, cooking was something I only did on occasions.
Despite this, I loved to cook. I would experiment on new recipes I found from the internet, friends, and through taste. Some have become my specialty and most were fiascos. But even so, I did not let this disappointments get me down and still continued to aspire to become a chef.
After graduating from college, I started calling up some of the culinary schools in Manila. My sister and I were moving in with our dad so I wanted to know what my options were after college. Our family isn’t rich. We were just a typical family who was able to afford trying out new restaurants every weekend. And in order to get a shot at my dream, I asked around for some scholarships. Unfortunately, there were none.
A couple of years passed by after my college graduation and I was still working in our family business. I was given the task as the HR Manager of the company but I was unhappy. I wanted to do something that I loved and would make me happy. This was certainly not it.
Seeing this, I was finally able to convince my dad to finance my culinary school degree. The whole course reached almost P300,000 and would last 9 months. To this, I was ecstatic, I was finally getting a shot at my dream to become a chef. With a grin plastered on my face, I started school on the last week of February 2009.
The first two weeks of the course was all classroom discussion about HACCP (Hazard Analysis Critical Control Point) and safety in the kitchen. There were 7 of us and I was among those who were acing each test. I felt so happy being on the top that I was so sure I would do good once we were introduced to the kitchen. This is where I was proved wrong.
For the next few months, I struggled inside the kitchen. I burnt food, wasted some expensive ingredients, burnt my thumb and suffered several cuts on my fingers. There was even a time when almost all of my fingers had bandages. All of this did not stop me. I kept in mind that this was all part of the process—that if I wanted to achieve my dream of becoming a chef, I needed to get hurt first.
I would have. But eventually, it all got to me. My passion for cooking got fizzled. I was having a hard time telling myself to give cooking another shot as I found myself always being ridiculed by my classmates and my chefs. They were always saying that if I would be put in charge, the dish would be ruined. This got to me until I finally gave up my dream.
On a daily basis, I found myself waking up crying. I always felt I was pushing myself to wake up to another day and go to school. It seemed that the only solace I had left was on the weekends, when I had no school. But then Sunday come and I would be depressed again. After school, I would always go out and drink with my guy classmates. This gave me a nickname of a heavy drinker.
I wanted out of it since I was no longer happy. I kept forcing myself to do something I no longer loved. And it even affected the food that I would create. To this, I was convinced I no longer wanted to become a chef. I knew that I loved cooking and that is something I will never grow tired of. But working inside a real kitchen for 10 hours a day with your Sous Chef screaming at you to “double time,” was something I could not do. Cooking is still something I loved to do but I can no longer cook for a group of people. For this reason, I quit culinary school while I was on our fifth month.
The moment I quit, I was able to do a little soul searching. I got into a phase where even the presence of food would make feel nauseous and I would immediately lose my appetite. I couldn’t eat and when I did, I wanted to throw up after. I felt like I was deserting myself and everyone who supported me.
When people ask me if I know how to cook, I hastily say yes. At the same time, I pray they don’t ask what my specialty is because this will only lead to them knowing about my fall out. It then leads to the typical conversation: they’ll ask me why I quit, I tell them I was no longer happy, they’ll frown and say “What a waste.” I know it was. But if it meant losing my sanity and my happiness, I was willing to let go of it.
I was only lucky that my dad did not force me to go back. Although I regret the harsh decision I made and the money we lost, I couldn’t think where I would be now if I continued. Perhaps I would be on my way to graduation; perhaps I would have committed suicide. I would never know what would have happened if I had stayed. But I know I will never be as happy as I am now.
I got back to writing only this time, I was able to find opportunities where my skills could generate money for me. And this is what I am still doing today. I have never been this happy with my career in my whole life. And even though I am just starting out, I could really see myself in this industry for the rest of my life.
There are days I do wonder what it would be like if I continued. I still do wonder what would happen if I pursued my diploma and where I would be working after. My chef’s uniform, toque, and knives wait for the day I will use them again. But for the meantime, my pen takes over and writes about things I’ve learned the hard way.
If you are thinking about getting into culinary school, you must assess yourself first. Ask if you want to work inside a real kitchen or you just want to learn so you can use it at home. If you want to use the skill as a profession, make sure you can handle the stress and all the pressure. You can even watch popular reality shows such as Hell’s Kitchen and Top Chef as these are the usual things that can happen inside the kitchen. In addition, you also need to prepare yourself by cooking at home a lot. You can’t act slow since you need to finish a task in just a few seconds.
For a chef, it is normal to make enemies while you at work. But at the end of the day, you need to make amends with the person you have hurt as this is a regular part of the career you signed up for. If you are ready for all these things, you might be able to survive culinary school the way I wasn’t.
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