I Hate Copycats

There are just some questions that I am afraid of answering, not that I don't want to but simply because they make me question myself. I know everyone goes through these questions on a daily basis and I have even been asked these questions several times already. And for each and every time, I always give out a different answer. Not because I'm lying or I want to sound cool, but simply because my interests change a lot. One day, I may be interested in a genre of music, the next day I'm not. I have learned to accept that this is the way "I roll" and everyone should just accept it. It's also one of the reasons why I write/blog.

You see, my greatest fear is not heights nor death nor being alone. I'm most afraid of losing myself--my thoughts, memories, senses, and identity. It's a constant struggle that I fight with everyday, since I know some people who tend to absorb my personality and claim it their own. When this happens, I often question myself if I really liked that [e.g. music genre] because I chose it or because someone chose it. This is why I'm always happy when people identify me as the person who I want to be. I find it insightful when people will look to me and tell me: 'Yeah, that's your style,' simply because I often get mixed up.

Take for example, my taste in clothes.

Although there are times that I like to blend in with the crowd, there are days when I really want to express myself. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was laughing at my shoes because "they look weird." To my defense, another friend stood up to me and affirmed that it was indeed, 'my style.'

Brogues by Indigo

This is why I take refuge in blogging. Through my blog posts, I get to re-examine myself and confirm that I really like a particular item. Since I know someone who really annoys me so much by copying everything I like, I have to recollect myself because I do not know for sure if I am still being myself. This girl used to shop in Ukay-Ukay because she loved the feeling of scouring for unique finds. Up to this day, I still cannot stand the smell of these stores. I will not deny that I have been to and have purchased Ukay-Ukay clothes. But I think throughout my whole life, I've only been in these stores 2-3 times. It's not that I find them gross. It's just that the smell of the clothes annoy my nose and they give me an asthma attack. I can't even hurdle through a huge pile of clothes to find stuff that I like without holding my nose.

Anyway, back to this "person.."

When we moved to Manila 3-4 years ago, she started copying my things. Since we were almost the same size, it bothered me so much because she copies my clothes-- exactly the same style, color and brand. What's worse is that we lived in the same house for a while. So it was really annoying, finding out that she wore my pants.

Even when we separated, she still imitated the clothes I would wear. Well, not only me (my sister and in-law too). Even if they did not look good on her, she would force herself to look young and hip. This bothered me so much that it has reached a point where I now hate her so much. You just won't imagine the things she does and still manages to get away with them!

Well, that's a different story. All I'm saying now is that when I write/blog, I get to see who I am. This is something she never, ever can copy.